


I will follow you into the dark

by Uchihas_rose



Category: Sherlock (TV), Sherlock Holmes & Related Fandoms
Genre: Hurt/Comfort, I Will Go Down With This Ship, M/M, Why Did I Write This?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-13
Updated: 2018-06-13
Packaged: 2019-05-21 19:12:55
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,246
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14921255
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Uchihas_rose/pseuds/Uchihas_rose
Summary: The night before the great showdown at the hospital roof, Sebastian tries one last time to change Jim's plan although he knows he will fail and instead comes up with a decision of his own...





	I will follow you into the dark

Jim Moriarty has always been of a changeable nature. For every plan he has, there must always be a back-up plan and, just in case, a second back-up plan.

Sebastian has always hated his bosses’ changeability. Now he lies on his back, head resting against the pillow and wishes Jim’s changeable nature to strike once again. He wishes Jim won’t go through with the plan. Not this time.

He slowly turns his head, watching Jim lying next to him, eyes closed but not sleeping. Due to the pale light shining through the window, James Moriarty almost looks dead, hands folded across his chest.

Sebastian focuses very hard, watching the other man’s chest rise and fall to make sure he’s still alive.

He closes his eyes and sighs deeply, opening his mouth and closing it again. He can’t say the words he wants to say. Jim already knows what he’s been wanting to say and therefore, Sebastian is punished with ignorance.

_Don’t do it, Jim. It’s ridiculous. It’s unnecessary. It won’t work. Don’t do it. Please, don’t do it._

Sebastian swallows those words down, which have been going through his head for hours and hours and still hasn’t been able to say. Jim knows every single one of them and he doesn’t want to hear them. And so, Sebastian Moran, always faithful and obedient towards his boss, doesn’t say it. He just stares at the ceiling and tries to imagine what it’s going to be like the following night when there will be a cold and empty spot next to his side instead of Jim’s warm body.

Again, he opens his mouth and the same time, Jim inhales sharply, but Sebastian doesn’t care.

“I could shoot him”, he says, not looking at Jim, “if he refuses to jump, I can kill him anyways. He’ll be finished, no matter if he commits suicide or not.”

No response. Not a word, not even a sigh. This is even worse than any screaming or lecture he’d normally get if he dares to “say something incredibly stupid”, as Jim is fond to put it. Sebastian would want a lecture now. Hell, he’d even take a screaming. Everything would be better than that dead silence he’s getting now. That same silence he’ll have to live with from the next day on.

Death is nothing strange to Sebastian Moran. During his time at the army and at his hunting trips in the Indian jungle he has brought death upon many animals, including the human kind. Since he entered James Moriarty’s service, he has killed even more.

He has always been able to watch people die. He has always loved to see the life leave their bodies, bleeding out on the ground, be it man or tiger – killing something and watch it die had always been very arousing for him.

But now he can’t bear the thought of watching Jim die, seeing the Napoleon of Crime lying somewhere, in a puddle of his own blood while life slowly leaves his body. He can’t bear the thought of doing nothing while Jim is blowing his brains out with one of Sebastian’s very own guns. It almost feels like Sebastian is killing Jim himself.

“I could kill him”, Sebastian says again.

_I will kill him if you let me. I will kill him, so you don’t have to kill yourself…_

“If he won’t jump-”

“Tiger, don’t.”

Jim hasn’t open his eyes. His tone is sharp, annoyed even. He is sick of Sebastian trying to find another way, for him the decision is clear. For him, there is no other way. There never was, Sebastian knows.

He stops, staring at the ceiling once more, waiting for Jim to continue. He will continue, he will explain why it must be this way and no other, why there isn’t a back-up plan this time…

But Jim stays silent. Instead, Sebastian feels a hand slowly reaching for his own and entwining their fingers. Jim’s hand is warm and when his thumb gently strokes the back of Sebastian’s hand, Sebastian feels a pleasant shudder, followed by a sudden pang of grief.

This is the last time he’ll ever feel the warm of Jim’s skin. The last time they’ll be holding hands like this.

His eyes start to burn, he blinks to avoid any tears from falling. No one will mourn James Moriarty. He doesn’t want to be mourned, Sebastian knows. But _he_ will, even if no one else does it. He will mourn for the Consulting Criminal, for the wildest man he’s ever known. For the man who has given him a home, a life, a new reason after his discharge from the army. Who has shown him love in a wild and wicked way, as peculiar as James Moriarty himself.

_Don’t do it, Jim. Please._

Sebastian is afraid of loosing him. He, who has always been able to sacrifice his companions for the chance to bag a tiger, who has shot his own comrades at war to ensure their victory. People die. That’s what people do, as Moriarty has said. Sebastian has always been aware of that. People are born, people live, people die. Everyone and everything dies.

 “Promise me one thing, Sebastian”, Jim’s voice is as calm and steady as always, “promise me, you won’t interfere.”

Sebastian knew something like this would come. He’s also very aware Jim already knows his answer, but he says it anyways: “I can’t promise you that.”

Silence, painful, painful silence. It makes Sebastian’s ears hurt and his heart ache.

“Than I shall phrase it differently. You _mustn’t_ interfere. I _order_ you not to interfere, Colonel Moran, do you understand?”

Clever. Oh, he is so very clever… Dishonourable discharge or not, Sebastian is still a solider at heart, Jim’s lieutenant, his second in command. Jim is still his boss as well as his lover and the soldier in Sebastian cannot refuse a direct order his chief has given.

“Yes, Sir”, he responds, his mouth dry and his voice flat, “I understand.”

He feels Jim’s fingers running through his hair, caressing the reddish blonde streaks, and throws his arms around him, pulling him closer, kissing him, pleading without words to change his mind, though he knows he doesn’t stand a chance.

Tomorrow, Jim Moriarty will die, and the destruction of the network will begin.

Nothing Sebastian can say will change that. He won’t interfere with Jim’s final plan to destroy Sherlock Holmes. He will be at his post, keeping an eye on John Watson and if Sherlock won’t jump, he will kill the doctor. Jim’s final plan will be carried out like Jim wants it to.

But Sebastian won’t stay behind to watch Mycroft Holmes tear the network apart. He will bury Jim, someplace no one will ever find his body and when he has fulfilled this final task, he will follow him.

There is nothing left in London to hold him once Jim is dead. The network is done and he will not be questioned by Mycroft Holmes. He won’t try to rebuild it, he won’t try to escape Mycroft’s notice. Mycroft can kiss his ass, they all can.

He has sworn to be loyal towards Jim and he will. Always. Which is why instead of one bullet, like Jim has asked him to, Sebastian has put _two_ into the revolver he’ll give him tomorrow.

 

 

 _Love of mine, some day you will die_  
_But I'll be close behind_  
_I'll follow you into the dark_


End file.
